it has to be a good sign

today was my last day in DC, as tomorrow mom and i start the drive up to manhattan. so it was my last time walking from my house in arlington to the ballston metro stop - walking through the quiet suburban streets, waiting 14 bloody minutes for the orange line train, and getting out at dupont circle to do some last visits of friends. hm. it was lovely, and i wouldn't trade the experiences i had in DC for anything - i believe whole-heartedly in the value of experience, and am so happy to have a knowledge of our nation's capital. but all that being said, i really won't miss DC. i have not one shred of nostalgia in leaving the place, which is kind of sad, isn't it? i don't think i've ever been so detached to a place i have lived. oh well, it can't be helped. and really, DC was not very welcoming to me in the end, right? i realize this even more now, after the last few days has brought some very promising reactions from people in new york...

you see my at-home fistula research work for johns hopkins/UNFPA will basically keep me afloat financially in new york, in addition to what i earned in the last months with other part-time research positions. but of course i want to do more in the actual city of new york to feel like an actual resident. i sent out some emails on tuesday to some places about potential volunteer-work. (this, this, this and this place - in case you are interested) all said organizations got back to me within a day, all incredibly enthusiastic about me and my resume, and i have meetings set up with all of them to discuss how i could be involved. 2 of the places are interested in me for more than just volunteer work even, based on my background and "skill set." (this one and this one) now c'mon. isn't that a good sign that new york is already a great deal (as in 180,000%) more welcoming to me than DC ever was? my gosh the greatest note of encouragement i got in this town was from mr. yogato :) (who did say by the way that i was the best employee they've ever had. awesome! i was so dang proud.) rejection after rejection met me here - not even harsh rejection, just complete and utter apathy and non-responsiveness... not that i feel so entitled that i think everyone should be clamoring for my resume, but a bit of interest is always nice, right? and now people are actually saying they are impressed by my experience and really want me to work for them?! i mean honestly! i am very encouraged. and very thrilled. and very very ready to get going.

so. who said new yorkers were all just hard and tough-skinned? from what i have seen they already seem more than hospitable :) huzzah!

i think i should probably blog

1. berlin. oh too much to tell.

but here, let me try to recount one aspect at least of the journey: i went to dozens of small private galleries of contemporary art and am convinced that besides new york, berlin is the absolute most impressive epicenter of exciting and stunning art being produced today. i could literally write 100 blogposts based on what i saw. so yes, for this, and many other reasons, my 2 weeks in berlin were a resounding success, and i am in a semi-stupor having just returned last night and confronted with life once more on this side of the atlantic...

2. i move to new york city on friday. !!! 149th and broadway. !!! (notice my updated profile to the right!!!!!!!) mom is coming out to help, which is quite possibly the most wonderful news of the month :) thanks mom!

3. i am swiftly falling in love with both salman rushdie and margaret wise brown. geniuses of completely different modes of expression, but oh! how they have both reached my heart :)

a major award

so one more thing before heading off to berlin (!!!).

so i got an award for my dissertation last year at oxford. and it being oxford, the prize for said award was of course books (around 300 GBpounds worth!). and me being dorky me, i was absolutely thrilled.

and now, finally, 6 months later, the books arrived!!! oh the joy! look at these beauties....





























and yes, the one i'm most excited for: "women, work, and domestic virtue in uganda 1900-2003". totally awesome.

'tis promising

yes 2009 is already looking like it may be quite a beautiful year.

you see, i'm moving to new york in february. january in the meantime will be spent with various loved ones in the US and europe, and then it's off to 111th and lennox for me... to start a new life, once again.

i admit new york was always my dream, DC was a backup plan made out of prudence and practicality - i figured it was easier to find a job there (which theoretically it is), so i settled for post-oxford life in our nation's capital. i don't regret the decision, and being there did get me wonderfully connected in the fistula world, which i will now continue to work with (though more involved - or that's the idea) in new york. my largest reason for wanting to be in new york, however, is.... art. yes, pure and simple art.

many know that my initial aspiration when i was 17 and 18 was to be a contemporary art critic. i worshiped art forum magazine and wanted to be one of their writers, dropping words like "the other" "public vs. private" "transient" "the politics of ____" and "post-greenberg aesthetics" in each paragraph i penned. as i grew older and my other passion (africa) took a larger role in my life, so i shoved lacan, jameson, and baudrillard to the side in favor of ferguson, soyinka, and de waal. i'm very happy where i am now, but admit i still loooooong for the unabashed pretension and self-absorption of the art world :) i don't want to be sucked into meaningless, cynical expressions of overly self-important artists (jeff koons, bleh), but i do want to feel challenged and enlightened by the hundreds of gallery/museum spaces in new york city...

my move away from art was in many ways due to my reading of robert hughes' book the shock of the new when i was 18... he states boldly that "it is hard to think of any work of art of which one can say, this saved the life of one Jew, one Vietnamese, one Cambodian. specific books, perhaps; but as far as one can tell, no paintings or sculptures." i was thrown to pieces as to the point of studying art at all after reading this, and wanted to get away from the esoteric to the intensely practical.

BUT... i realized something quite the opposite after making my "practical" journey to mozambique: no, perhaps it's impossible to stop an entire genocide by painting a picture. but this is a very shallow way to look not only art, but also genocide itself. if we expect events to be only catastrophically massive and overpowering to be real, than we are living with a very false conception of reality. no genocide or war is anything more than minute, banal actions by individual people. all events in life can be reduced to the very act of daily existence - and it is HERE that art speaks to. yes some pieces (like guernica) can seem entirely other-worldly in their scale, but even such a canvas had to be diligently painted moment by moment by picasso - and can only be viewed in the physical moment of standing in a room in madrid. global poverty is a massive problem, no doubt - but if we look at as this amorphous entity of sorrow we are quite literally useless. instead why don't we look at it for what it actually is: daily, minute struggles of millions of individual human beings. yes there are large political machines that dictate much poverty, but do those political machines function without individuals? no, nothing does. (remember hannah arendt's brilliant phrase "the banality of evil" - becuase that is all it is, truly.)

and so in this sense, art - which speaks on an individual level (no matter what you say about collective consciousness or culture or whatever) - IS useful, is beautiful, and must be continued to be made, explored, and sought after.

so yes, i am very very excited to be in the heart of such a city as new york. with its absolute infinite potential for artistic spaces and expressions. and at the same time to continue working on fistula - to blend the two worlds in my own daily life. and so yes, 2009 does sound incredibly promising to me.... i do hope it is the same for you :)

SNOW + lots of gingerbread = christmas heaven

merry christmas from sundance!!! wish you were all here.

so much love to all,
jooj.

as many of you may have heard...

the lovely black volvo was stolen late saturday night while i was working at mr. yogato. stolen off the streets of DC. and i had accidentally left my phone in it too, so yes my phone was stolen as well.

yes it is an unbelievably frustrating event. i feel utterly violated, and the night itself was horrid as i frantically tried to find a way to tell the police the license plate number (which i hadn't memorized) - the 911 dispatcher wouldn't take the report until i had it. very difficult to be done when mom and dad are in tahiti and i have hardly anyone's number memorized, aside from lincoln's - who spent over an hour with me in my search, and gave me general calming support. thanks guggle :) the saving grace came from the combined efforts of dear friends xarissa and natalie, the former of whom was randomly with me at work that night, stood with me through the whole thing, and had natalie's number in her phone, whom i called to search my room for the license plate number, which she miraculously found, and then drove up (in her pajamas, because i had woken her up - it was about 3am at this point) to dupont circle to take me and xarissa home. so thanks to these 3, i survived the night :)

and thanks to my roommate's family, i have this awesome hunk of american glory to drive around for the next few days:


AWESOME. i admit the humor of me driving around in this is not lost on me, despite all the current frustration and stress :)

one year later, to the day

so exactly one year ago i posted the results of a haircut. today i post the results not only of a haircut, but also my very first venture in coloring my hair! i have always wanted to dye my hair darker, and i finally took the plunge. hard to get a good photo of the exact coloring... but what do you think?

huzzah!

this particular huzzah is for thanksgiving of course :) today i'm celebrating with leslie (HUGE huzzah for that) and lots of the horn clan. it's really nice to be back in the US for thanksgiving this year - i have spent many of them abroad as of late, and though the one year in paris was particularly wonderful, i admit there is nothing like being on american soil for such a day. it's an incredible feeling: you know everyone in the country is celebrating today, everyone will be gathering to eat together in some fashion. i love the care and concern everyone shows in demanding if you have a place to go for thanksgiving, and opening up their homes to anyone who doesn't. how often does that happen? i think this holiday is the best thing about the ole' US of A, and something i sincerely miss when away.

plus thanksgiving is a wonderful excuse to be calm and positive :) i'm afraid i've exuded too much negativity in my blog lately, or in my life in general - certain friends have had to deal with it much more than they should, and in the spirit of thanksgiving, i am eternally, eternally grateful for the patience of such friends. yes things have been rough-going since moving back to the US, but of course it has not been all bad. there are numerous reasons for me to be grateful for my move to DC. i listed quite a lot of them a few blogposts back, and i still hold to that list. it's just that there are real moments when it is admittedly hard to remember such things... but once again, that's the beauty of this holiday which is dedicated solely to that purpose, to remembering beautiful things in our lives and actually feeling gratitude.

lincoln was inspired when he instituted thanksgiving. perhaps i should go back to his memorial next week and thank him in person... it still is quite possibly the most beautiful spot in DC. truly. plus it reminds me of mom :)

je me sens [un peu] déprimée

and despite all efforts, i can't hide it from my blog. you see, a wonderful position i was supposed to interview for at the gates foundation today had been cut from their budget last week - but they decided not to tell me, but keep going through with the interview (now an "informal introduction") and put me through a horrid emotional roller-coaster... as if i have not had enough in the last months.

this position i work at currently at johns hopkins is fine and good - but it isn't "technically" full-time (even though i seem to work 40+ hours/week for them) and the funding is in such a tenuous place that i have absolutely no future security with it. i still need a real job.

and after so much work, i've fallen up short. still. i still feel in limbo, and am confused on where to go from here aside from starting all over again at the same place i was half a year ago. at the moment i have zero strength to go through it all once more, and feel like a mountain retreat into sundance is all i'm good for right now. it's very difficult to keep faith at the moment, though i feel i have been sincerely trying. am i simply not trying hard enough? it makes me question what exactly i am doing wrong...

oh, sad face. i reeeeally need to hug stella or sadie right about now :) so happy for thanksgiving next week so i can see moo, parkie and audish.

p.s. i do still find DC beautiful and do think living here is wondrous: i just wish i actually felt i 'lived' here...

p.p.s. there is a shred of hope that a job in new york may work out, so yes there is that. insha'Allah insha'Allah.

with a clenched soul

there are so many people i miss (even though i'm technically "closer" to home back in the US.) (although of course there are many people still across the pond whom i miss dearly.)

but i especially. really. really. miss the kids sometimes. sad face.