'tis promising

yes 2009 is already looking like it may be quite a beautiful year.

you see, i'm moving to new york in february. january in the meantime will be spent with various loved ones in the US and europe, and then it's off to 111th and lennox for me... to start a new life, once again.

i admit new york was always my dream, DC was a backup plan made out of prudence and practicality - i figured it was easier to find a job there (which theoretically it is), so i settled for post-oxford life in our nation's capital. i don't regret the decision, and being there did get me wonderfully connected in the fistula world, which i will now continue to work with (though more involved - or that's the idea) in new york. my largest reason for wanting to be in new york, however, is.... art. yes, pure and simple art.

many know that my initial aspiration when i was 17 and 18 was to be a contemporary art critic. i worshiped art forum magazine and wanted to be one of their writers, dropping words like "the other" "public vs. private" "transient" "the politics of ____" and "post-greenberg aesthetics" in each paragraph i penned. as i grew older and my other passion (africa) took a larger role in my life, so i shoved lacan, jameson, and baudrillard to the side in favor of ferguson, soyinka, and de waal. i'm very happy where i am now, but admit i still loooooong for the unabashed pretension and self-absorption of the art world :) i don't want to be sucked into meaningless, cynical expressions of overly self-important artists (jeff koons, bleh), but i do want to feel challenged and enlightened by the hundreds of gallery/museum spaces in new york city...

my move away from art was in many ways due to my reading of robert hughes' book the shock of the new when i was 18... he states boldly that "it is hard to think of any work of art of which one can say, this saved the life of one Jew, one Vietnamese, one Cambodian. specific books, perhaps; but as far as one can tell, no paintings or sculptures." i was thrown to pieces as to the point of studying art at all after reading this, and wanted to get away from the esoteric to the intensely practical.

BUT... i realized something quite the opposite after making my "practical" journey to mozambique: no, perhaps it's impossible to stop an entire genocide by painting a picture. but this is a very shallow way to look not only art, but also genocide itself. if we expect events to be only catastrophically massive and overpowering to be real, than we are living with a very false conception of reality. no genocide or war is anything more than minute, banal actions by individual people. all events in life can be reduced to the very act of daily existence - and it is HERE that art speaks to. yes some pieces (like guernica) can seem entirely other-worldly in their scale, but even such a canvas had to be diligently painted moment by moment by picasso - and can only be viewed in the physical moment of standing in a room in madrid. global poverty is a massive problem, no doubt - but if we look at as this amorphous entity of sorrow we are quite literally useless. instead why don't we look at it for what it actually is: daily, minute struggles of millions of individual human beings. yes there are large political machines that dictate much poverty, but do those political machines function without individuals? no, nothing does. (remember hannah arendt's brilliant phrase "the banality of evil" - becuase that is all it is, truly.)

and so in this sense, art - which speaks on an individual level (no matter what you say about collective consciousness or culture or whatever) - IS useful, is beautiful, and must be continued to be made, explored, and sought after.

so yes, i am very very excited to be in the heart of such a city as new york. with its absolute infinite potential for artistic spaces and expressions. and at the same time to continue working on fistula - to blend the two worlds in my own daily life. and so yes, 2009 does sound incredibly promising to me.... i do hope it is the same for you :)

SNOW + lots of gingerbread = christmas heaven

merry christmas from sundance!!! wish you were all here.

so much love to all,
jooj.

as many of you may have heard...

the lovely black volvo was stolen late saturday night while i was working at mr. yogato. stolen off the streets of DC. and i had accidentally left my phone in it too, so yes my phone was stolen as well.

yes it is an unbelievably frustrating event. i feel utterly violated, and the night itself was horrid as i frantically tried to find a way to tell the police the license plate number (which i hadn't memorized) - the 911 dispatcher wouldn't take the report until i had it. very difficult to be done when mom and dad are in tahiti and i have hardly anyone's number memorized, aside from lincoln's - who spent over an hour with me in my search, and gave me general calming support. thanks guggle :) the saving grace came from the combined efforts of dear friends xarissa and natalie, the former of whom was randomly with me at work that night, stood with me through the whole thing, and had natalie's number in her phone, whom i called to search my room for the license plate number, which she miraculously found, and then drove up (in her pajamas, because i had woken her up - it was about 3am at this point) to dupont circle to take me and xarissa home. so thanks to these 3, i survived the night :)

and thanks to my roommate's family, i have this awesome hunk of american glory to drive around for the next few days:


AWESOME. i admit the humor of me driving around in this is not lost on me, despite all the current frustration and stress :)

one year later, to the day

so exactly one year ago i posted the results of a haircut. today i post the results not only of a haircut, but also my very first venture in coloring my hair! i have always wanted to dye my hair darker, and i finally took the plunge. hard to get a good photo of the exact coloring... but what do you think?

huzzah!

this particular huzzah is for thanksgiving of course :) today i'm celebrating with leslie (HUGE huzzah for that) and lots of the horn clan. it's really nice to be back in the US for thanksgiving this year - i have spent many of them abroad as of late, and though the one year in paris was particularly wonderful, i admit there is nothing like being on american soil for such a day. it's an incredible feeling: you know everyone in the country is celebrating today, everyone will be gathering to eat together in some fashion. i love the care and concern everyone shows in demanding if you have a place to go for thanksgiving, and opening up their homes to anyone who doesn't. how often does that happen? i think this holiday is the best thing about the ole' US of A, and something i sincerely miss when away.

plus thanksgiving is a wonderful excuse to be calm and positive :) i'm afraid i've exuded too much negativity in my blog lately, or in my life in general - certain friends have had to deal with it much more than they should, and in the spirit of thanksgiving, i am eternally, eternally grateful for the patience of such friends. yes things have been rough-going since moving back to the US, but of course it has not been all bad. there are numerous reasons for me to be grateful for my move to DC. i listed quite a lot of them a few blogposts back, and i still hold to that list. it's just that there are real moments when it is admittedly hard to remember such things... but once again, that's the beauty of this holiday which is dedicated solely to that purpose, to remembering beautiful things in our lives and actually feeling gratitude.

lincoln was inspired when he instituted thanksgiving. perhaps i should go back to his memorial next week and thank him in person... it still is quite possibly the most beautiful spot in DC. truly. plus it reminds me of mom :)

je me sens [un peu] déprimée

and despite all efforts, i can't hide it from my blog. you see, a wonderful position i was supposed to interview for at the gates foundation today had been cut from their budget last week - but they decided not to tell me, but keep going through with the interview (now an "informal introduction") and put me through a horrid emotional roller-coaster... as if i have not had enough in the last months.

this position i work at currently at johns hopkins is fine and good - but it isn't "technically" full-time (even though i seem to work 40+ hours/week for them) and the funding is in such a tenuous place that i have absolutely no future security with it. i still need a real job.

and after so much work, i've fallen up short. still. i still feel in limbo, and am confused on where to go from here aside from starting all over again at the same place i was half a year ago. at the moment i have zero strength to go through it all once more, and feel like a mountain retreat into sundance is all i'm good for right now. it's very difficult to keep faith at the moment, though i feel i have been sincerely trying. am i simply not trying hard enough? it makes me question what exactly i am doing wrong...

oh, sad face. i reeeeally need to hug stella or sadie right about now :) so happy for thanksgiving next week so i can see moo, parkie and audish.

p.s. i do still find DC beautiful and do think living here is wondrous: i just wish i actually felt i 'lived' here...

p.p.s. there is a shred of hope that a job in new york may work out, so yes there is that. insha'Allah insha'Allah.

with a clenched soul

there are so many people i miss (even though i'm technically "closer" to home back in the US.) (although of course there are many people still across the pond whom i miss dearly.)

but i especially. really. really. miss the kids sometimes. sad face.

post-election aftermath

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

thoughtfulness

i am so struck at how thoughtful people can be. yesterday was my birthday, and i was so touched by all of the well-wishes and kind gestures extended! i heard from friends i haven't spoken to in years, and i love to see how people can reach out to each other, even in the smallest way.


such dialog between individuals is just as beautiful as the fall colors around my house right now. i took these pictures yesterday, and honestly - gorgeous, no?

some patriotism for election day

or if you're feeling patriotically german....