so let me explain. by change, i mean reversing the gross abuses levelled against humanity based on economic status and gender: one such example yesterday (that left me FULL of warmth and inspiration), was the testimony of the (male) MP from uganda who took the anti-female genital cutting bill under his wing and hurtled it into law with a 100% passing rate. his experience touches on so many basic realities: that men are by and large the ones in power (over 70% of uganda's parliament are male), that men listen better to men, and that if injustices levelled against women are going to be conquered, we need as many men enlisted in the fight alongside female activists. how do you stop violence against women unless the majority of the perpetrators are engaged in the debate? we need strong women, yes of course - but we also need strong men. men who are attune to what is happening, and who have a more rounded and comfortable view of gender to understand that masculinity does not mean distance, emotional stuntedness, and power through violence - but that empathy, kindness, compassion and understanding are the strongest qualities a man can have. really think of how revolutionary that is - i can't imagine if that gender construct were actually adopted or popularized - and yet think of how much suffering it would erase if we actually embraced it?
i feel so lucky to have had such amazing men in my own family: when my (female) friends and i planned that anti-violence against women campaign at byu years ago, my brother lincoln was one of the loudest voices at the rally, helping pass out fliers and telling me simply: "unless men stop doing this, it's not going to stop." he even volunteered at a woman's shelter in provo. i mean really. he's amazing.
and dad! i mean, c'mon. one of the speakers at the workshop, head of the white ribbon campaign (men against violence against women), spoke about the socialization of gender norms that happens at the most fundamental neurological levels from when we are just infants. and he asked, very poignantly, how boys are supposed to grow up with a clear view of masculinity when men are by-and-large missing from their infant-toddler-childhoods? when men and fathers are absent, how easy is it for the boy to grow up thinking that being a man means being remote, aloof - communicating and getting close only through violent or emotionally-shallow means?
this makes so much basic sense when examining the cultures where fathers are absent, and where violence prevails. how important to have women and men equally raising babies with their sponge-like brains, soaking up all examples around them - and how AMAZING to see my brothers, brothers-in-law and father and their crucial examples of this very form of child-rearing.
if we are to improve the world at all, particularly the world in all its harshness to women, we need to begin in our own homes to promote the qualities of empathy and understanding. to work together, men and women - equally important forces in the fight. i'm not sure how to end this but to say that i love the men in my life for being so kind and supportive and wonderful examples. i wish more boys grew up with such fathers so cycles of violence could actually end. and i wish more women understood how important it is to engage men in a constructive way. i wish that feminism was not defined in such a limited way, but that we could all say we believed in the parity of the sexes, equality in the context of difference, that we all have something to contribute to help heal our communities riddled with gender-based violence and discrimination. too many sex-selective abortions, forced marriages, honor killings, and routine domestic violence occur around the world for us to say the fight feminism began decades ago is now over.
*ok ok, i may or may not have read cjane's post on my lunch hour. this is sort of my response :)
8 comments:
i wondered what you thought of cjane's post this morning.
i like your take on it all. it reminds me to be so very grateful for my amazing husband.
cjane's post set me off on the exact same stream of thought. Simultaneously, another friend wrote a post about how she is not a feminist and I cringed again.
Supporting women is just a more focused take on the larger issuse of Man's Rights (notice the caps).
Good post, jooj. Although I have to differ with you on one point. Empathy, kindness, compassion and understanding are among the strongest qualities a man can have, as you say. But that's not a gender construct that needs to be adopted. That's truth, and truth predates social constructs. Am I right or am I right? I'm not well versed in the vocab, but isn't a "gender construct" just a point of view, or a way of looking at the world? When truth is just another point of view, the bad ideas are elevated. As if all the "constructs" are on a grocery store shelf, and we pick the ones we like best. Truth is truth, and I say up with truth, down with constructs. (Derrida developed a bad construct, if ya know what I mean.) If everyone just tried to follow Christ (the way, the truth), we'd all be better off. But other than that, good post. :-)
totally agree elliott - i was speaking in language from all the academic/development talk i surround myself with, but totally understand the danger of. because yes, these are truths!! i was thinking about something dr. hudson spoke about in one of her classes: she listed all these attributes - empathy, meekness, kindness, patience, etc. and said what gender is most often attributed to these? and of course you think female - but then she pointed out that these were the main attributes of Jesus Christ, the greatest man of all - more powerful and stronger than anyone. and yet he was meek and selfless, but in no way weak. brilliant!
anyway, we're totally on the same page!
yes, yes, and yes
Oh my goodness, I watched a Turkish film with my tenth graders on Friday and a woman fell in love with and married a man after he slugged her in the face and called her a whore. I freaked out and had to make them swear to me that they would never, ever, marry someone who hit them.
I like your take on things.
I loved reading this. It just makes sense. I'll be sharing it with others I talk to.
Thanks for this post! I also ready cjanes post and THEN I read some of the comments-- I really shouldn't do that-- and one of them got me so riled up. She said that all the women who spend their time talking about feminism through the lens of motherhood, birth and breastfeeding are just making "hen chatter" and that they are putting the feminist movement back. It really got me riled up because I can't help but TOTALLY disagree with her. Motherhood, birth and breastfeeding are all focused around the family and to have them be really empowering events you need husband or partner support. Without that they ARE drudgery, but when a man and a woman work together to make a family and support eachother miracles happen.
I hate that the conversation about feminism usually ends up leaving men out. We need each other so badly-- we both have talents and strengths and when one of those is missing problems start to pop.
We need to coin a new phrase Family Feminism or something like that... or maybe parity is already a great word.
Thanks for this post and sorry for my rant :)
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