oh heavens you are all so wonderful

ya'all are too much. your comments were so, so fantastic! i'm so happy so many of you took the time to share your thoughts. it helps me a great deal i tell you. and i should mention, that one of the intrinsic parts of the program will be teaching the girls how to make baby-carrying slings - both as an income generating activity for them, but also as a way to reinforce these connections we're trying to form in the therapy sessions. so that's totally up the alley of lots of your comments - huzzah!

and it's so much of what you say: breastfeeding is a miracle worker, and just having the women hold and touch their children is so crucial. the problems emerge with those girls who come to lua nova with kids who are already 2-6 years old... (which most of them do)... forming a connection that late in the child's life is very challenging. when the babies should have been breastfed and held, the girls were in incredibly unideal circumstances - so how do you compensate for that?

there are girls who come to the facility while pregnant, and the difference with them is stunning. one girl, pictured on the left here, came here pregnant, and now breastfeeds her 3 month old exclusively (pictured on the right). she has the same background as the rest, and is only 15, but her connection to the baby is so apparent. she is always holding her, talking to her, smiling with her. it's so nice to see, as so many of the other girls mostly ignore their children altogether... it's not even a negative relationship, it's a completely non-existent one...

heavens! today was very hard. i won't detail the failures etc., only to say that i can't get over how insane it is that for each of these girls, many incredibly challenging things are happening simultaneously: how overwhelming is it to be a mother? and then compound that with abandonment, drug detox, recovery from prostitution and abuse? one of these things is enough for anyone - but can you imagine all at once? and as a teenager? alone?

no wonder working with the girls is so challenging - their very existence is compounded and compressed hardship. and actually working through that feels like you're just beating your head against the wall...

ANYWAY: thank you thank you for your help. i really will use all of it, and please keep it coming if you can. i really am more grateful than i can say. it all moves me a great deal to know the care and love in this world - even through blog comments!

beijos e embracos,
julianne.

quase impossivel

how do you teach attachment? how on earth do you instruct a mother to feel attached in a truly selfless way to her child? particularly when that child was born when the mother was only 14, 15, 16 - was born from prostitution or domestic molestation/abuse? when you have no examples, as the people around you are mostly drug addicted/alcoholic/in prison/absent/abusive and all the rest?*

bah!

before coming to brasil my interest in maternal health was focused in africa, on the tragic stories of obstetric fistula, post-partum hemorrhage, eclampsia, and even more complicated issues like breaking down cultural barriers which bar women from accessing proper healthcare before/during/after childbirth. but here! here the problems are so different... maternity at too young an age, in situations of extreme abuse, violence and dysfunction - it's not the medical ramifications of prolonged labor, instead its the sociological/psychological aftermath of a system of abuse and neglect which leaves girls much too young alone and unprepared suddenly in control of a dear little baby to raise. it's so obvious that maternal health doesn't end with the delivery - it keeps going on and on as that child is inexorably glued to this new mother.

the point of lua nova, the organization i'm now working for, is to empower these new mothers to build sustainable lives for themselves and their children. together with their children.

and the point of me being here is to create + direct a support group with the girls to teach them how, in so few words, to be a mom. from bathing an infant to the platitudes of selflessness and putting your child first above all else.

i'm then going to write up a curriculum and other didactic materials to help lua nova perpetuate the program once i leave next june, so they can facilitate this sort of motherhood-training for all girls who come through the organization's doors.

and so! our group started today... me with my utterly awful portuguese trying to explain to the girls what i want us to do in this program (they totes laugh at my horrid accent - if they can even understand me at all! ai ai ai)... i'm preparing for our next session on thursday, which is meant as a baseline evaluation of the relationship and level of attachment between the mothers and their children. can you imagine? since some of the girls are semi-illiterate, i'm going to direct a more arts based activity where they create a collage on their feelings about being a mother - what it means to them to be a mother. and then we'll go from there... 9 months where i have to have lots and lots and lots of patience in this very difficult process. is it even possible?....

....it's all very banal: nothing glamorous or glorious happens or is happening here - things are slow and even seem regressive at times. but it's having patience in that process** and trying to slowly befriend the girls with my horrific portuguese (most of whom are so so kind and open to me - particularly given what they've been through), and lean on the help of the other workers at lua nova too (claro).

i'll keep ya'all updated on how these things go along. (obvs. it's also nice to debrief a bit on this blog as well - in english nonetheless! :)

in the meantime, please share any advice you may have on how i can even manage such a task... i just think of how absolutely, completely, 100% different the experiences of maternity are for the girls here as compared to mimi and david, or ginger and henry, or steph and elliot... so those of you on the other side, what wisdom can you impart? really, anything is welcome :)

beijos,
julianne.

*the case of nearly every girl here: i read the files and back stories of all the girls at lua nova yesterday, and HEAVENS. i stopped myself from collapsing multiple times from imagining about all they've been through... what it actually means to be 13 and prostituting yourself for crack. i mean truly... what an unjust world.

**thank you dad for repeating that phrase 57,000 times to us as we grew up - it helps me quite a lot here :)

new life beginnings!

sorocaba skyline! woo hoo! (as seen from my neighborhood, just 5km west of downtown up on a hill.)



standing on the balcony of lua nova (the organization i now work for)'s downtown sorocaba office. LOVE the bright blue houses in brasil. LOVE.



me in brasil, just to prove it's all really happening. (i also happen to love this huge mirror in my room, it gives the space a classy touch :)



the corner of my kitchen, where i spend lots of time skyping, as the internet miraculously works 2000% better there than anywhere else in the house. notice honey + mug of rooibos tea brought direct from woolie's in south africa. mmmm....

more soon: i.e. i must bring my camera out to aracoiaba, the lovely village 20km from sorocaba where the majority of lua nova's work is done. i'll be spending most days of the week out there, amidst the green green fields, red dirt roads, and bougainvillea.... wish my work was as picturesque as the setting :)

ate breve!
beijos!

um feriado

today is brazil's independence day, meaning the last two days the whole country has taken a holiday, and i haven't started work yet.

SUCH A BLESSING I SAY!

it was so nice to simply take these two days to relax and process all that has happened. to catch up on internet things after the paucity of emailing in india. i've been getting lots of things done (i.e. phd applications i.e. email-deliberating with my potential supervisor i.e. constant revision of my research proposal i.e. lots of work, and lots of nervousness! ee!), finally skyping and catching up with everyone, and sleeping 8 hours a night. yum.


work starts tomorrow, i am def looking forward to it... at the moment sorocaba feels only very foreign to me. i feel like i'm sort of just in the middle of nowhere, trying to feel connected to a place which on the onset simply feels ill-fitting (it's great! south america is just not my usual environment, portuguese not my usual foreign language - i'd feel more at home in kinshasa methinks :). so yes i am eager to just get going and meet the women i'm working with and feel more engaged in my environment....

....but only after some more watching of howards end and skyping with henry, elliot, and david* though :)

thanks to everyone for your nice comments! yay! much love to you all.


*ok, and toni too, obvs :)


and p.s. being on the back of a rickshaw? totally scary! i thought i was going to slip out multiple times. can you relate, ali?

i left berlin and cried at the airport. then i went to india and cried some more. and last night i got to brasil and cried one last time.

and by crying i mean so much has happened and so many things are utterly overwhelming in both good and bad ways. life is mad! let me begin to process through dumping some photos of india on ya'all.



half of the young champions group. there we are at the stage of the global maternal health conference we were in india for. so inspiring/overwhelming. everyone in this picture is from a different country - the group is so diverse, it's wonderful! from left to right, US, brazil, argentina, nigeria, kenya, ethiopia, canada, oman, iran. word.



so many rickshaw trips.







lots of men asked to take pictures with me. this was the only woman to ask - so i returned the favor, snapping one of her and carolina, one of the fellow young champions from brazil! yay!







this was the "street" to our hotel the last day. oh monsoon season!

bloggy breaky break.

so i guess i've already been on a break for nearly two months, ya? and i don't really know when i'll come back. except i probs will when i'm in BRASIL just so i feel connected to all i've left behind once more. so re-tune in setembro if you'd like. k?

and here's one picture from our absolutely MAGICAL trip through southern africa: toni and me at the top of table mountain in cape town. which i climbed in that dress, with keds. just fyi. (toni is so dang handsome. heavens.)

so much love to you all,

joojie.

what a wide wide world!!

dear all,

today marks the 12th day on toni and my's journey through southern africa, and let me say that HEAVENS it has been wondrous. we have been met by so many friends and glorious hospitality the whole way through, from the jesuits in lusaka who toni used to work with, to now friends in cape town with stunning white homes with views of the sea... sigh... it's hard to know where to begin, there have been so many impressions and experiences, but here's just to say that i love being in africa once more, so much is familiar - the same biscuits and mosquito netting and minibuses, and then so much is new and unique since it's my first time in so many of these countries. the point of it all is that the world is so huge with such varied experiences and lives and personalities et al, and it's so wonderful to simply fling yourself into it! let's all get out of our bubbles! :)

and in other news, we're off to the stadium tonight in cape town to see spain v. portugal - watch if you can! huzzzzzzzzaaaah!!!!!!

much love to you all, will post pictures and the like when i'm back home :)

jooj.

warming up our vuvuzelas...

did you watch the US-UK match last night?!

please tell me you saw this:





so exciting, no?! i tell you. we watched the match yesterday in the company of loads of friends for an all-day barbecue at toni's place... an insane number of wursts were roasted and a veritable MOUNTAIN of chocolate chip cookies i made were devoured. (a key german word i learned yesterday is lekker :) i'm converting germans to this perfect american food one by one!)

3 days and counting till toni and i leave for zambia. our very own match in cape town is in 16 days. HEAVENS! how quickly it all went!

WM 2010!!! HUZZAH!!!!!

(btw as i write this i'm watching the germany-australia match. 4 goals for germany and counting. OMG. the city is going CRAZY. LOVE.IT.)

news from the front.

mom and dad were here this past weekend!*

lots of yummy food consumed. g. buchenwald traditional german cakes, laugencroissants, excellent japanese, flammenkuchen, and even my very own ritter-sport creation! yes my favorite chocolate company of all time opened up a SCHOKOWELT in the centre of berlin where you can have desserts made from the chocolate bars, and then make your very own with your very own mix-ins. glorious i say. glorious.

jonsi was went to, and dude. whoa whoa dang. on par with when i saw all of sigur ros together years ago. my goodness there is something about those icelandics and the music they create and the way it overwhelms me (in a good way)! incredibly moving. oh! so beautiful. if you have any chance to see him - go i say! go!

and now i'm in the unenviable position of waiting on TENTERHOOKS for my passport to return to me in time for my departure for southern africa: as of this morning it is in the clutches of the indian embassy on wichmannstraße, wherein they are (hopefully) granting me a visa that apparently takes 5-7 days to process. i must have it in hand to leave for zambia in 9 days. 7 working days exactly. heavens!

right! yes! i'm going to india as well (i know, really!**): you see this ashoka fellowship deal-y also includes a trip to new delhi at the end of august for a global summit on maternal health. YES i know that puts me in a SUPER ENVIABLE position, and let it be known that i am STOKED. just not stoked that i have to wait anxiously while they decide to grant me a visa before i have to fly to lusaka. you see? stoked/not stoked simultaneously. LOVE IT.

*(forgive me for not taking pictures of the 'rents visit to post. my camera is heavy. it's my only defense.)
**(i am counting my blessings daily, hourly, minute-ly. life has not always been so lover-ly, but i am truly reveling in the lover-liness of these days!)

you'll never guess....

i'm moving to brazil.

yes, in all seriousness - i am moving to sao paulo, brazil as of september. to work here - a rehabilitation centre for young and impoverished chemically-dependent mothers. for reals. yes. or sim rather. no more ja, i'm now back to sim and my head is quite literally spinning at it all! curious how such an event came to pass? well you see, it all happened a little something like this:

my ole' friend martin sent me a link to a contest, run by the ashoka foundation: "healthy mothers, strong world." the contest called for submissions of individuals aged 18 - 35 on the next "knock-out idea" for improving the ghastly figures of maternal morbidity/mortality around the world. ashoka would then choose the best 16, dub them "young champions of maternal health" (i know) and give them a 9-month fellowship to work on their idea under a mentor somewhere on this-here-globe.

i ignored it at first. for weeks. and then, one lowly morning on the walk from grand central station to my UNICEF office (oh that feels like ages ago), i was struck with an idea based on my experiences with les fistuleuses at the national hospital in niger. i was crossing 2nd avenue at the time, and after sitting down at my desk, spent approximately 8.2 minutes writing up my entry.

once more, i forgot about it.

until, weeks later, i get a notice that i'm a finalist. and then 2 interviews happen. and then i get the news that i won. but that they want to send me to brazil. (not africa as i had assumed they would) i was completely thrown - toni was completely thrown. mom and dad were completely thrown. i cried a great deal. and then did a lot of research on the organization, and pondered, and prayed, and all those such things. then just today i had a [somewhat intimidating] conversation [in portuguese - eek!] with raquel de silva barros, the woman i would work for, about what i would be doing whilst there in sao paolo.

and so! with toni's stalwart encouragement and promise to move to sao paolo in january (once his job contract is up in berlin) to be with me, i have said yes. OH MY GOODNESS i have said yes. so many feelings - let me rattle them all off in stream of consciousness fashion....

omg i really really have to get good at portuguese. FAST.... ah! so sad to leave berlin after what seems like such a short time... i really do love this city... I GET TO LIVE MY DREAM! work in maternal health! for an amazing, intelligent brazilian woman whose organization and cause and ideas i truly believe in - I GET TO DO A JOB THAT ACTUALLY FULFILLS ME on a daily basis... oh heavens i really really need to re-learn portuguese... i don't want to forget all this german i've just learned!... oh toni, 4 months long distance again, but then you heroically promise to come to brazil with me, despite not knowing a lick of portuguese, and leaving behind a wonderful, comfortable life in your home, lovely berlin, with friends and family all in arms reach... OH HEAVENS WE'RE MOVING TO BRAZIL.

and there you have it. i am moving to brazil. toni is coming with me. life is insane, and just when you think things settle, you are asked once again to move across the atlantic, to your third country in one year. OH MY GOODNESS.