i borrowed this photo and quote from friends (hope neither of them mind) (but they're both so beautiful in a particularly ordinary way)

i think that the basis of human happiness ought not to be what you hope will happen but what you, appraising your life, can be glad has happened.
- marilynne robinson.

(p.s. happy birthday to mimi and elliott tomorrow :) love you both dearly and glad we'll be family forever)

probably the last time i'll ever wear a dirndl

aw, shucks

hey thanks everyone for such kind comments on my post on fistula below! :) everyone is so kind in blogosphere. and it means a lot. so thank you - i didn't expect to elicit such a response! c'est gentil. :)

more fistula

i didn't have anymore luck on the job front today, but something even more exciting occurred...

you see, my dissertation at oxford was about obstetric fistula in niger. (click on the words to find out more if you don't know what it is, and forgive me if you've heard all this before) the point of my research was to critique NGO policy programs designed to eradicate and repair fistula in Africa, which i felt gave an undue emphasis to cultural practices and thus ignored physiological realities about the injury - in short, western organizations were perpetuating colonial medical rhetoric that "africans are sick because they have an inferior culture that we need to fix." instead of tackling biology of fistula, they attack cultural problems like early marriage which have only a slight correlation to the injury. the real problem is lack of emergency obstetric care for all women from age 15 to 50. i wanted to make this clear in my dissertation by providing the demographic information of over 400 fistula patients in medical files on fieldwork in niamey, niger.

so.... today. i met with a woman at USAID who happens to work on fistula. i told her about my dissertation and she nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement - she said this is exactly the research that is needed, that i MUST PUBLISH IMMEDIATELY, and that fistula programs are trying to move away from this early-marriage-narrative and look at the actual reality of fistula patients. however, large-scale demographic studies have simply not been conducted, and so the hard data isn't available. until now! until i copied down all those medical files into a handy excel-spreadsheet and gave the data to back up the biological truth about fistula, and in so doing actually help change fistula policy.

i sent her my dissertation immediately after the meeting, to which she replied that my work will be a "GREAT contribution to this field," and asked if she could forward it on to all her colleagues in the fistula world. i.e. all the policy makers i was aiming my dissertation at. i.e. my research was worth something and will actually be read and used by people who work on these issues.

i.e. AMAZING.

sorry if this is a self-indulgent post, but i figured i'd put up some success story from my time in DC after my downer post yesterday :) plus i am more and more ecstatic thinking about the implications of this... that things may actually happen because of research i did with the handy help of ali :)

hope everyone else out there had a beautiful day this certain september tuesday...

i know i'm impatient, but really.

i am learning the hard way that not everything in life happens on your timeline.

for example...

i first arrived in DC on august 3rd. i still don't have a job.

i was living out of a suitcase on kind friend's couches until just 2 days ago, september 20.

despite finally moving and "settling" into a home, we have no gas in the house until wednesday.

and we don't have internet until the 29th.

so i walked over a mile through (admittedly beautiful) suburb streets of arlington, virginia to a coffee house with free wi-fi so i can continue my daily never-ending routine of job searching/networking/selling my soul to email as i contact every single person in the DC area with connections to africa or health.

walk because i also still don't have a car - not because of any lack of effort on dad's part (thanks a million dad), but because car shipping trucks don't acknowledge that utah exists, and therefore stop there only once every 648 years.

anyone who knows me (or simply glances at previous blogposts) knows that mentally i am still in europe. i am trying to feel settled in DC, to really feel at home here without daydreaming of magdalen deer park or corippo. but everything seems to be against me! i mean c'mon! i was so happy that we'd finally be settled in a house, but it's not even fully functioning, so the excitement is quite muted at this point. i just want to call DC my home if it really will be my home.

oh DC - why don't you want me?

winter must be cold for those with no warm memories

but memories (especially recent ones) can also be devastating sometimes... at moments (like right now) i wish for nothing else than the ability to once more step a few feet to stroll through here...


or pass by all souls...


or sit and read/eat/do nothing here.

(yes i miss oxford.)

back to waitressing

i laughed when i got a waitressing job in provo after getting a BA, and now it seems a bit more tragically hilarious that i should become a waitress yet again after getting a masters. but hey - i take comfort in the fact that my incredibly intelligent and talented professor at oxford did the same thing when she arrived in DC looking for a job after serving in the peace corps. (the peace corps, by the way, is what everyone says is the number one ticket to fast employment.) (then again people say the same thing about a degree from oxford.)

so.

i missed out on a really great job while in switzerland (don't worry, it was still worth it and je ne regrette rien!), and have exhausted a lot of my possibilities. it's a tough tough world out there for finding jobs, and my optimism is waning. i still think i can find something, but it may take awhile longer yet, and i don't want to be waiting around beating my brains out. (i have no patience and doubt likes to attack in such liminal times...) so i will probably most definitely quite certainly begin applying for waitressing jobs next week. i actually don't mind the profession - it is quite fun and exciting (especially on the short term), and it will help fill my time in between fairtrade kenyan tea researching and job hunting.

sigh.

in other news

1. i finished kristen lavransdatter. so now mom can finally accept me as her very own julianne daviddatter. (doesn't have quite the ring to it)

2. i don't have a job in DC yet, BUT the professor i've been working for in oxford just started me on another really great project on fairtrade tea in kenya, so at least i still have a bit of income, and in pounds no less. i think it's a sign that oxford misses me just as much as i miss it.

3. and the best for last: one of my favorite blogs, the transpacific sketch project, run by dear friends of mine, has asked me to join as a full-time contributor! i have rarely felt this honoured, truly. it's simply a collection of pieces of art etc. which move us inextricably. it's a beautiful blog which has always brought me joy.

i love proving hegel wrong

yes i have victoriously returned to washington from the valle verzasca in switzerland.

hegel said at one point that "it is the defects of immediate reality which drive us forward inevitably to the idea of the beauty of art."

i love when "immediate reality" trumps any possible feeling epxressed in art - of course anyone who knows me knows that i worship art in all its forms, and use paintings, sculpture, film, architecture, music, and words to express and relate my lived experiences. but i must say that the beauty of the simple days i spent in toni's aunt's 1806 stone swiss rustico (cabin) were more beautiful than any piece of art i have ever experienced.

and that is saying quite a lot. especially for me.

i mean really. not many words to describe.

i will be away

see you all in september!