who's doing this? who's killing us? ...robbing us of light and life*

dear mariana and susellen... two of the girls i'm closest to! they are lovely lovely.

i leave for the US on wednesday for 4 weeks of hugging nieces and nephews and wrangling the brazilian embassy into giving me a new visa.

so today i made a farewell [for now] trek to the girls of lua nova out in araçoiabinha. i actually stayed only half an hour. only a handful of girls were there as it was the middle of the day and most were working elsewhere, and when i got there i was confronted once more with a big tragedy of abuse that had happened recently at the shelter.

oh sigh. in many ways i suppose it was the perfect send-off: this bittersweet vacillation of the work here between true joy at the friendships i've made with the girls, with some of their progress, and utter devestation with incidents like this happen. [i don't want to go into the details because it's really just too awful and i'm still shaken up by everything.]

when i walked out of the shelter, there in the middle of the glowing green gorgeous countryside, my thoughts were racing, emotions flaring, and i couldn't muster the 1 1/2 hour wait for the next bus to araçoiaba. so i just trudged on through the countryside, walked the 10 kilometers under the blaring sun. you get to a point where you are so hot and sweaty and dusty and dirty that you really can't get MORE so. so you might as well just go for it.

and i do mean it when i say the countryside is gorgeous and literally GLOWS greenery. i passed all the mango trees and brightly painted cinderblock homes - purples and blues and greens and yellows... passed by the fancier large farmhouses, and ended up in the center of araçoiaba's sweet little village, by the big LDS church and reservoir, just in time to catch the bus to take me the last 15 kilometers back to sorocaba.

when i got back to the city i stopped in and got a fresh laranja-acerola juice for 50 centavos and drank in the bounty of this fantastically beautiful country. i will for sure miss the fresh fruits oh so much in the next four weeks!

and so here, back in this house which i will be moving out of in january when i come back [to another locale close-by, and thankfully, i must admit], i reflect on the last three months and this huge play of contrasts i've been a part of. how i know you're not supposed to get emotionally involved in this kind of work - you're supposed to not let these horrific circumstances get to you. but then again, aren't we supposed to mourn with those that mourn?

and then to reflect on the beauty i've also seen, and the laughter and joy that of course accompanies all of this tragedy - that of course araçoiabinha is home to happy, functioning families just as it is to the girls at lua nova trying to carve out new lives for themselves, stumbling so painfully along the way.

i'll take all of this home with me, where no doubt i will reflect some more as all of this will no doubt feel lightyears away....

oh, sorocaba, oh lua nova! adieu for now.

até janeiro,
joojie.


*just realized that's my second post in a row with a title straight from "the thin red line." so yes it's my favorite movie, i can't help it.