i found out today that one of the girls who is living at lua nova has snuck out at night to work as a prostitute again.
when i heard this my heart broke. literally just fell to pieces. i was at lua nova's administrative office in sorocaba for a meeting, listening as my colleague mariana recounted the utterly bleak image of lua nova right now.
in addition to this first tragedy, a few other girls have also snuck out and began using crack again.... and the new coordinator i was so excited and even blogged about 2 weeks ago? he left. quit. as did the other coordinator. as did 3 other educators. burdened down by the work, by the enormity of it all.
this happens again and again. this constant rotation of staff. as dealing with these girls day in day out is difficult beyond measure. erasing their previous lives and making them truly start anew. i was already in low spirits this morning anyway: ashoka sent me a 3-month evaluation of my experience here and asked "what has been your greatest impact? list 2-3 accomplishments."
i've made no impact thus far, and that is the truth. it's too little time. even at the end of 9 months i probably will have done very very little. it's not solely up to me, and as much as ashoka and all other development organizations love to broadcast these humanitarian success stories where tragedy commences at point a and ends at point b after a swift, feel-good solution, that is simply not how it works. these girls have layers. and layers beyond those layers. and then some more on top of that. me being here for 10 weeks equates to a pin-drop in that entanglement of experience and lessons previously learned.
lessons like you are worthless and so prostitution is a viable option. crack will give you the happiness you're looking for.
oh heavens these girls! hundreds of millions of teenage girls are currently working in prostitution. in every country in the world. but this is a group of girls that i now know so personally. they are my friends. we play volleyball together and laugh as we try to remember the lyrics to old mariah carey songs. i play tag with their kids. and to think of what they have gone through... and the decisions they are still making, oh! oh oh oh! what more can i say?
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8 comments:
oh jooj, i'm so sorry to hear that. it must be so hard because you don't want to feel disappointed in those girls, after all they have come to lua nova in the first place, and you have come to know them so well. but dang it. that is very frustrating.
thanks les for your empathy :) i feel your love from so far away.
This is so hard I know and even though you feel you have no impact some time maybe not now but in the future what you have been able to do and are doing will come through. I am sorry tht you are so frustrated and discouraged but you are there for a reason and someday even if it doesn't seen to help them you are growing too.
Love you and remember you can only do one day at a time. It just doesn't seem fair does it and I can not blame you for feeling like you do.
Hugs and kisses
Grammy
Julianne, you're making a difference by just loving them, by showing them that they are worthy of love. That is a BIG accomplishment.
jooj, treatment is one tiny step forward, 6000 steps back. repeated over and over and over and over. but you HAVE to focus on that one tiny step forward, otherwise it's just too much to handle.
those girls are lucky to have you.
i can't even imagine how hard this must be. i guess that also the fact that all this different people doesn't really help the girls very much. i truly believe that you are making an impact in these girls' life. it may not be a visible impact right now but i'm sure that it will affect the girls for good. just continue giving these girls your love and friendship as those two things are incredibly powerful. and patience is the key. i will pray for you and your girls. x
keep up the good work jooj! i know that it can be frustrating but your work will influence those girls forever for the better!
Hi, Julianne. I can only imagine the pressure (and good desire) you feel to make a difference. I wish your supervisor would have said "and now for your evaluation. Have you served with you heart? Your might? Your mind? Your strength?" YOu would have been able to answer yes four times. And that would have been a better start to that conversation. You are making a difference, I am confident.
I haven't checked in with you since a couple months ago when I dedicated myself to bring you together with my friend Solimar. But she lives in Rio now. And that's far away, I know, and then I never relayed that info to you. But I'm still cheering for you. And I'm still cheering for those girls as unwise as their choices can be, they deserve a cheering section, too.
I'll continue checking back in with you.
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