disappointed [a la kevin kline] [that's for you, ali]

it's only natural to get frustrated when our expectations of ourselves, our work, all of it, are simply not met, yes?

oh it happens so consistently for me here in dear ole' brasil.

i've had the flu since monday night. as in legit, 103 degree fever flu. i had planned various activities to do for the girls at lua nova today and tomorrow, but instead i am in bed.* i admit that i can only feel guilt.

i know i know it's sickness and i need to let my body heal, but it seems to just come at a time when everything is culminating into a general feeling of disappointment in myself and how much i've fallen short since coming here. i feel so much time has been wasted in absurd pedantic matters, my physical/intellectual/spiritual limitations have all been laid bare, and while i remind myself that i'm getting into a new routine, new country, new language, new job and things take time, i can't help but feel i've done so very little in comparison to what i could have done.**

and so rather than brooding even more, here's rumi, via thelma, to save the day... perhaps it will help someone else out there too:

why lay yourself on the torturer's rack of the past and future?
the mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities will find no rest.
be kind to yourself, dear--

*in the meantime, whilst horizontal, i've been translating lua nova's brand new website (yay!) into english. do check it out if you speak portuguese, and the english version will be here soon... depending on how long my flu lasts :)

**really, i'm very sincerely not fishing here. just stating how i feel - we all get this way at times, no?