ah! too fast - no! wait, wha?!

new york life is one of constant discovery and learning. (oh wait, that is just life in general)

but here's something funny i read in the brooklyn rail this week: "new york is a hard city to live in. the rents are high, work is often busy and stressful but what makes it worthwhile is that you're always coming across cool, quirky places you'd probably never find anywhere else."

i don't agree totally with the negative overture of the statement, but isn't it [generally] brilliant? i don't think there will ever be a time when someone could say they had "done" new york, or that they had seen everything or really knew the city at all. this is what makes it so thrilling to live in - BUT at the same time it also makes it so frustrating at times to realize that you can't do it all, that there are so many things you do miss simply by the default fact that you can't be in park slope, the east village, and harlem all in the same evening.

so this week i discovered the vastly superior L magazine - a pocket-sized, free arts guide that comes out every two weeks that is so much better than the more-ubiquitous village voice, which i had been relying on before. it's that learning process, like realizing that while restaurants in new york are amazing, the grocery stores are even better and more affordable and better for you etc. the things which initially stand out as awesome seem to hide their even better versions which lie below.

but sometimes you discover things too late: i picked up this edition of the L mid-way into its circulation, so was thus too late to realize that a) there is an awesome cinema institute in harlem, just blocks from me (maysles institute, just fyi) and b) they were showing this amazing-sounding documentary "the 7 train: an immigrant journey" last monday. the movie documents a few passengers treks on the 7 train, which carries 500,000 people from 117 different countries from queens to times square EVERYDAY. how amazing is that?! this is the exact new york i love to delve into, and i missed seeing it. blast. this city moves too fast! you have to juggle culture here, pick and choose what would work best based on what trains you'd be taking those days. it's so incredible how much occurs simultaneously, and i feel so inordinately spoiled in living here. but truly, my gosh, how is it possible to absorb this city?! how can you comprehend all that is happening around you? actually this is a question for anyplace on earth, and is honestly too overwhelming a question for me at times...

and then again, some nights it is possible to just stay home instead - because sometimes you have really wonderful roommates who pick up deliciously fresh strawberries and chocolate angel food cake for everyone at whole foods. and then you hand-whip cream with a whisk and eat all together watching "strictly ballroom." so maybe i missed some fascinating art show tonight by staying in, but not too bad an alternative, yeah? :)

this evening's vanity

so i live in the northern part of manhattan where the island starts to get really skinny. this means i am within a few feet of two rivers, and as a west-sider, it's the hudson which i can call my dear friend.

work has been inordinately overwhelming and frustrating to me in the last few days, and so tonight i decided to relax a bit by staying home and doing much-needed laundry. and i absolutely had to share the view of the sunset from my dear 149th street laundromat today. this is riverside park, just steps from my building. the last few days i've taken liberty of walking through this park to fairway, aka the best grocery store of all time. beautiful, fresh, delicious, organic produce - piles of exotic and delectable cheeses... fresh foccaccia bread and other bakery delights. ah! it's heaven - and i can reach such delights after a short walk down this path, gazing at new jersey under trees and lampposts. quite beautiful, no?

so happy dusk, everyone... from the winter-tree-branches and pink-sky-glories of manhattan...

and p.s. brittany asked me today to post actual pictures of me on my blog sometime - i tried to do some self-portraits with the park in the background, but they were just SO awkward looking. sorry, baby-b. sometime soon je promise.

moments of city beauty 2 [+ appendices]

- after morning-tutoring in brooklyn, glorying in the blessedly-warm 45 degree weather (no i kid not - this is warm... i promise) i walked the entire 2.5 mile-length of central park today, and oh!!! was stunned at the beauty... especially while walking in the west-side shadow of the gorgeously neo-classical art-deco splendor that is the san remo apartment building [pictured] - it's incredible how quiet the park is, even just 10 feet from the uber-crowded manhattan street, there is truly a remarkable stillness that i find intoxicating*

- nuts 4 nuts [consumed while thus walking] = my favorite manhattan street food = hot, freshly honey roasted peanuts/cashews/almonds = heaven**

- further walking through morningside park, a huge craggy hill on the northwest corner of central park in the shadow of...

- the cathedral of st. john the divine, with it's full 600+ foot gothic nave, complete with a byzantine-style cross-dome reminiscent of istanbul, and multiple vaulted side chapels reminiscent of oxford. i found such a great deal of peace within these walls today, and was so grateful for the place - i had seen it's massive edifice before, but had yet to venture inside until today, whereupon i felt in my heart "i never want to leave new york", because even here i can find myself a cozy gothic side chapel with stain glass to feel calm and reflective. the city has everything, and i couldn't be more contented to live where i do.

* appendix 1: i watched before sunset again this weekend, a beautifully simple filmed conversation between 2 actors in real time. at one point the ethan hawke character explains what he'd like to write for his upcoming book, and how his idea is really to expand all that occurs in the span of 3 minutes - how the idea of something momentary is really a lie, how each moment really contains so many other external moments at the same time. today i felt this so vividly: walking past a small pond on the far northwest corner of central park, amidst the gray, crisp weather, i was completely transported back to the hills behind bergen, norway where mom, dad, lincoln, mimi, and i all hiked through dense fog, coming upon a similar body of water amidst forested norwegian splendor. similarly while walking up the steep steps of the great hill at the top of the park, i was immediately returned to the similar [though much more intense and steep...] earthen stairways lining the valley verzasca in switzerland, where i hiked this past august. it's amazing how palpable the past can be at certain moments, and how many past moments live within us and comprise our immediate reality. huzzah for the complexity of the brain :)

** appendix 2: on a much lighter note, the nuts 4 nuts man was shocked to hear i was actually american, because he was convinced i was turkish. and he was turkish himself. hm. really? what about me looks turkish? hahahaha well i'll take it as a compliment.

moments of city beauty remarked from my day today

- the way the A express train passes through the 103rd street station, how it passes so quickly from the top level of the station to the track below, such a surreal feeling to travel so quickly through levels of platforms, with people crowding and milling around, and you fixed in a railcar floating by

- the deep orange water stains on the broken white tile walls of 125th station, falling vertically from the black rafter ceiling, reminding me of the old champs-elysees clemenceau station in paris before they renovated it to this boring clean tile in 2005

- the black iron fire escape stairways zig-zagging down bright ancient red brick

- pointed skeletal dark leafless branches against the deep auburn, gray, pink, and red "brown"stones of my hamilton heights streets

- the dramatically massive 15-floor-high arched wells running through the middle of gray victorian apartment blocks on st. nicholas avenue outside my subway stop

yes. i am here. (literally) (this is manhattan, with the red hand pointing to within a block of my apartment) (RAD)

i heart work.

in a word, work has been mad the last weeks. i have taken on quite a lot on purpose, and i'm very happy to be involved in so many various neighborhoods and projects around this blessed city. though i do sort of wonder if it's ok to spend 90% of your work-time as a volunteer... if this is just me being a product of the recession, or if i would do this anyway. i actually believe in the work i'm doing, and that's not something you can say too easily when you're an administrative assistant :)

...though i must say, i do need to find something else that actually does pay me after june hits, or else i will no longer be able to pay rent or eat. but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it :) for now - here's to english-tutoring darfuri women, event planning for african refugee communities, and non-profit gallery work! huzzah!

and also sorry i have been so negligent in blogging, and dang there is so much that is blog-worthy, but time gets the better of me.

today i just wanted to share an article on the UNHCR website about african refuge, where i'm currently planning 4 events in the next months for health advocacy. the article alludes to the insane amount of energy wrapped in jacob massaquoi, my boss who runs the place - but i wish you could see him in person, it's truly a marvel to watch him - also admittedly sort of insane and difficult to work for, but nonetheless, the man is quite incredible when it comes down to it. do read the article if you can. (it's really short)

i will blog more soon, i promise!

love to everyone.

ya'all got new york wrongly pegged

SNOW.

number of times i fell today due to said snow: 5*(*)

* and i do mean 5 full-on, hip-bruising, purse-content-scattering falls.

(*) and every time i took one of said falls and someone was in my near vicinity, such people would without fail help to pick me up and steady me on my first few vertical steps....

which further solidifies my belief that new yorkers are some of the most considerate city people i've ever known. (no i'm not joking). just now on the 1 train, 2 strangers boarded at 96th street, discussing a semi-crazy-seeming-woman on the platform who was yelling and screaming at every passer-by (typical new york subway behavior). but these 2 strangers assessed the situation, and at the 103rd st station one of them got off the train to return to the 96th platform to give this belligerent woman some food she had from her just-purchased grocery bag, figuring the woman was really in need. i see such outreaches to those around us (especially on the subway) almost daily.

and remember how i suddenly became ill and violently threw up two separate times on the crowded DC metro platform and not one person even extended a word or gesture of concern? when similar instances have happened to me here in new york, i have been greeted by multiple people making sure i'm ok.

i'm just sayin' :)

pictures of my large, beautiful apartment, as requested by mom and dad :)

happy sunday!

40 year tunnel.

i have seen a few movies downtown this last week as part of an awesome jean-luc godard retrospective. OH! i cannot explain my increased obsession with this brilliant filmmaker and the 1960s aesthetic. and seriously, i really just want to be anna karina... i mean look at her! i'm thinking a mid-hair-part is in order. mom - i'm so jealous that you were able to wear false eyelashes everyday in high school! :)

also - mom, i'm 200 pages into "the oldest living confederate widow tells all", and yes, it is amazing. truly.)

and further also - life in new york isn't perfect. you see, due to complications (i.e. flaky plumbers who don't keep appointments), my apartment still doesn't have hot water. so throughout this full cold manhattan february i have been heating up water on the stove and taking bucket-showers. good thing i've had good practice from niger, morocco, et al... the plumber is supposed to be here tomorrow at 8am. i'm praying after 3 weeks he'll show.

grateful sunday

(borrowing from leslie today :)

so i must admit that i have never had a church calling i've really felt passionate about, or felt that i was actually useful in... i know callings in church are meant to help us feel some more involvement with our ward and our fellow church-members, but the awful truth is that i simply have never felt i was actually doing anything productive in the callings i was asked to serve in. of course i know every lesson about magnifying your callings... but i don't think it's wrong to admit that sometimes you just simply don't feel enthusiastic about the way you're being asked to serve the church - we've all been there :)

so today, this blessed sunday, i can finally feel this absolute overwhelming gratitude for the calling i've been given! of course, since i've melded so ideally in every other aspect of life in new york, my ward experience would be no different, yes? and today proved this ten-fold - i was asked to be a "community outreach" coordinator. totally vague-sounding i know, but the general idea is that me and 2 other coordinators will help our ward members get involved with the communities around us, to help organize volunteer opportunities, publicize local needs and events to members of the ward etc. to simply connect with everything happening at our doorstep, but that we are often blind to because of the demands and focus on our own inner religious and social circles. i love this calling because i love the idea of breaking away from our narrow mormon community and realizing that we actually do live among thousands (millions in new york really) of other beautiful and interesting people who are worth our time and involvement. i'm going to an extreme here, but i just fear the insular us vs. them mentality, the tendency we have to huddle in among other mormons only. there is so much to be gained and learned and exchanged with everyone around us, and i'm so happy my actual calling is intended to furnish activities to create such exchanges. also, you know how i love to eat up, absorb, and invest fully in the cities around me. this calling will provide more opportunity for this as well. i mean really - is it not perfect? yes, i think so :)

what i love about the church is our professed trust in individual members to gain faith and testimony for themselves, and to utilize their singular talents in the best way to determine their own lives. we are free to determine what makes us happy, knowing what God has given to us, and there truly is no formula for this. no pattern we are all exactly meant to follow... getting this calling made me feel that i was actually recognized as an individual member of my ward - that there was a sense that i would better serve in this, whereas others would be better teachers or enrichment leaders etc. i love to be reminded of our freedom to believe and act according to our own consciences. that we are meant to determine our own happiness - something i tend to forget at times as guilt induces me to think i must alter myself to fit into another more common lifestyle, but there is nothing doctrinal about such a mentality at all. the truths of personal revelation and free agency are simply very beautiful and unique, and i did feel quite grateful for them today.

and in other matters, some people from my ward invited me and my roommate over for a dinner party tonight that i just returned from. there were about 10 of us there, and on top of an already wonderful sunday of fabulous social exchange, this event reconfirmed once more (as if i need any more confirmations at this point) how much i connect with the community here. i must again express my gratitude for being in a place where i can feel so much at home. it's how i felt at oxford, and it's so nice to find that again someplace else. honestly, i am simply enamored with the people here, in my apartment, job(s), ward, and community - so huzzah for that! and huzzah for community outreach! for looking outside ourselves and opening up to all the rest around us.

the street where i live

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move the image over to the right just a bit - my building is the grayish one to the right of the garden. and yes, that IS a garden :)

my street is wonderful, no?