das Wochenende.

so happy that it's saturday early evening at 5:19pm right now.

because this week was just too too frustrating: the ineptitude of aid mechanisms and the development industry (of which i'm a contributing member at unicef) were laid bare in the last days of haiti. not just disaster relief politics, but the insufficiencies and corrupted laziness of poverty-relief programming which mean that haiti, after decades of assistance, is still disastrously poor and a 7.0 earthquake that in california killed a few dozen, in haiti kills tens of thousands and destroys the entire nation's infrastructural capacity. this week at unicef headquarters i felt i was seeing first-hand the weaknesses in the systems which are meant to alleviate poverty, but also those that are meant to administer disaster relief effectively. it's downright frightening how inefficient and ignorant many are who claim responsibility for such grand tasks.

ok this is all unbelievably down, and not as if any of this is THAT surprising. but i cannot help but feel befuddled and sad to see all these systems (even ones you have some hope in, like unicef, like disaster relief, like NGOs) collapse and fail so dramatically around me. i won't go into all the specifics... but let me just say instead that i am very happy that it is the weekend, that i have a loaf of ethiopian honey spice bread rising on the counter, that i have a mug of creamy tea and a pile of german books to work through after i finish typing this,* and that on a rousing walk to air frustrations in riverside park today, i saw a full-on quidditch match being played. enough to make me laugh very loud... :)

also, i'm happy i'm going to berlin in april. happy i'll be away from the politics of UN HQ, and that i will have loads of time to think, read, and discuss endlessly with a very brilliant mind what is to be done (or can be done in our very very small way), to break away from these failed systems and still feel faith in the human good. i don't know. i just need some good reflecting time, here. and i think 9 months in berlin should be a good start to questions which will be around for long long after.

much love to you all - your kind messages, both on the blog and elsewhere, in response to my plans warm me up so much! hurrah for true love indeed!

*did i just say i'm happy about a pile of german books to go through? that i'm actually enjoying learning german?! quelle horreur! it really must be true love.... ali, are you still my friend? :)